Naked Gun Its Not Goodbye Its Just Ill Never See You Again
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Quotes
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Frank Drebin : Like a bullheaded homo at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things out.
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Frank Drebin : Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to take to stay on my toes.
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[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance to the Oscars]
Frank Drebin : Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Team.
Baby-sit : Yes, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin : Mr. De Niro, we've got to go inside.
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Tanya Peters : [46:02] You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin : You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And nosotros got a problem.
Tanya Peters : You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin : No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my volume that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters : I could take two lovers.
Frank Drebin : Kinky. Only I like my sex the way I play basketball game, one on 1 with as trivial dribbling every bit possible.
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Tyrone : Y'all just picket your step, McGurke. This identify here changes a human.
Frank Drebin : Yes? In what way?
Tyrone : I used to be white. I was the drummer for the Osmonds.
Rocko Dillon : Screw around with me, and Tyrone here will make you experience pain that you lot'd never believe.
Frank Drebin : Yeah, I remember the Osmonds.
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Ed Hocken : We heard nearly you and Jane.
Frank Drebin : Jane, Jane. That name volition always remind me of her.
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Frank Drebin : Well... Nosotros shot a lot of people together. Information technology's been not bad. But today I retire, so if I exercise whatsoever shooting at present, it'll accept to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-constabulary, like at my bachelor party.
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Ed Hocken : There's merely i mode to find out where Rocco's gonna strike next. We're gonna hafta send someone into Statesville Prison.
Frank Drebin : I'll do it.
Ed Hocken : Frank, I couldn't. I wouldn't feel right about that. If Rocco finds out yous're a cop, yous might end up dead!
Frank Drebin : You lot might cease up dead is my middle proper name.
Ed Hocken : What nigh Jane?
Frank Drebin : I don't know her middle name. But, Ed, I need the action. I'grand going inside the big house.
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[Frank and Jane approach the first cab with an Arabic commuter]
Frank Drebin : Does that radio work?
Cabbie : [replies in Standard arabic]
[they motility to a second cab with a Jamaican driver]
Frank Drebin : Phone call Police Team! Tell 'em Frank Drebin says...
Cabbie : [replies in Jamaican]
[they motility to a 3rd cab with an African driver]
Frank Drebin : Forget information technology.
[they immediately leave]
Cabbie : [British emphasis] I wonder what the devil he wanted!
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Dr. Kohlzak : [at a Sperm Banking concern and Fertility Dispensary, unbeknownst to Frank, who'south faking an old football injury] When did yous showtime discover the problem?
Frank Drebin : In the backyard, with my uncle.
Dr. Kohlzak : In the backyard... with your uncle?
Frank Drebin : Yep, when he comes over nosotros like to go out in the backyard and throw it around for a while.
Dr. Kohlzak : And what did y'all and your uncle find out?
Frank Drebin : Oh, I can't go along up with him, mine hurt especially on the long ones. I tin can't seem to straighten it out, it has no feeling, it'due south... information technology's kind of numb. I may take yanked it too much, perhaps.
Dr. Kohlzak : [easily him a cup and opens a door to another room] If you would.
Frank Drebin : For what?
Dr. Kohlzak : A sperm count.
Frank Drebin : In here?
Dr. Kohlzak : Well, it's not exactly the backyard, but it'll practise.
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[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin : Cigarette?
Tanya Peters : Yep, I know.
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Rocco Dillon : Where'south your prison number?
Frank Drebin : Information technology'southward unlisted.
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[in the prison cafeteria]
Frank Drebin : Hey! You call this slop? Real slop has got chunks of things in information technology! This is more like gruel! And this Château le Blanc '68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What practise you think nosotros are? Animals?
Convicts : NO!
Frank Drebin : What are we?
[the entire hall is silent]
Mess Hall Convict : Homo sapiens?
Frank Drebin : Yous're right! Nosotros're men! Nosotros are men!
Frank Drebin , Convicts : [all chant] WE ARE MEN! Nosotros ARE MEN! WE ARE MEN!
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Frank Drebin : They're going to blow that place sky high. It'll exist a tragedy. Unless it'southward during a dance number.
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Ed Hocken : You haven't shot everyone in six months.
Frank Drebin : That'due south true. Funny how you miss the little things.
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Frank Drebin : Jane...
Jane Spencer : Frank, are you lot thinking what I'm thinking?
Frank Drebin : Yes! Florence Henderson's gonna win it, and it'due south about time.
Jane Spencer : No! The bomb is in i of those envelopes!
Frank Drebin : You're correct!
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Frank Drebin : [before Jane leaves] Wait, infant. I am what I am, and I do what I practise. A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod, others make a very good living neutering animals. I'm a cop!
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Tanya Peters : What are you doing?
Frank Drebin : Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my side by side motion.
Tanya Peters : Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin : It'southward these pants.
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Frank Drebin : Uh, Raquel, merely a second, I merely had a thought. This show is being seen all over the globe. I was thinking, if we could all merely transport good thoughts, transmit them through these cameras here, to the elected leader of People's republic of china, Wing Wa Woo Tong, so that they might finally be nice. Thank yous.
[adulation]
Raquel Welch : And the winner is...
Frank Drebin : Uh Raquel, so many become to bed hungry in this nation, yet cat food is full of tuna! I can't aid just think each fourth dimension I go to the zoo and see those porpoises, crammed into those tiny tanks, what a waste matter that is. Butcher half of them now! That's hundreds of pounds of dolphin meat that tin can exist fed to our cats, freeing upwardly that tuna for our nation'southward hungry.
[few people clap]
Raquel Welch : And the winner is...
Frank Drebin : Uh, so many are cold, shivering in the night, so I say, butcher those cats, skin them! Apply their fur to keep hundreds warm!
Raquel Welch : [shocked] Jesus, Phil!
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[Large Con drops a bar of lather in the prison shower room]
Big Hairy Con : Bend over and pick it up for me, would you lover?
Frank Drebin : Sure. No problem.
[Bends over. His towel falls off, revealing cast iron underwear]
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[during prison house riot]
Rocco Dillon : I've been watching y'all McGurke. You handle yourself really skillful.
Frank Drebin : Really well.
Rocco Dillon : Whatever.
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Jane Spencer : Now I know why Ed'due south been calling every one-half hour. You've been back on a example, haven't y'all?
Frank Drebin : No, no, I swear, it'south some other woman.
Jane Spencer : In your wildest dreams.
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Frank Drebin : Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, sadistic, cold-blooded creature. You must be very proud of him.
Muriel Dillon : I am.
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Dr. Stuart Eisendrath : You lot know, I experience it's of import to get off on the right foot and not become defenseless up in arraign. Now, which one of yous is impotent?
Jane Spencer : Uh, that would be him.
Frank Drebin : Why don't you ask who's frigid?
Jane Spencer : Uh, that would be him too.
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Frank Drebin : Cheer up, Ed. This is non goodbye. Information technology'south just I won't e'er see yous over again.
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Tanya Peters : Hey, who's the stud?
Rocco Dillon : Oh, I'd like you lot to meet the newest member of our gang. Slasher McGurke, meet Tanya Peters.
Tanya Peters : Wait a infinitesimal. Don't I know you lot from somewhere?
Muriel Dillon : [putting her gun in his face] I smelled cop on him the minute I saw him.
Frank Drebin : I get that all the time. The underwear ads, played everywhere.
Muriel Dillon : Are you saying you're not a cop?
Frank Drebin : Well... yeah!
Rocco Dillon : Well, that's practiced enough for me.
Tanya Peters : Me, too.
Muriel Dillon : I'm fine.
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Frank Drebin : Do yous have "Spartacus"?
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Frank Drebin : [Narrating] Rocco could tell from my trivial escapade in the shower that I was well endowed... with backbone.
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Rocco Dillon : Pull out the flop, Drebin. If you don't, I'll shoot the matriarch.
Frank Drebin : All right, Rocco. All right. I'll do what you say.
Jane Spencer : Frank!
Frank Drebin : Just don't harm her.
Jane Spencer : Frank, if you pull out the bomb, you'll impale me anyway, and everyone else in this theater.
Frank Drebin : Aye. No dice, Rocco.
Rocco Dillon : Then I'll plug her.
Frank Drebin : Y'all shoot her, and I'll empty this envelope.
Jane Spencer : Frank, call up near it.
Frank Drebin : Information technology'southward all right. You lot'll exist dead.
Jane Spencer : And so you'll kill yourself and everyone here.
Frank Drebin : Yep.
Rocco Dillon : And then I'll shoot you, Drebin, if you don't exercise every bit I say.
Frank Drebin : Jane?
Jane Spencer : I'd exist safe, so would everyone else, but you'd be dead.
Frank Drebin : This is getting a little complicated, Rocco.
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Frank Drebin : I knew I'd bump into you around here somewhere. I want answers, red cakes.
Tanya Peters : I love you lot.
Frank Drebin : Wrong reply. I've dropped out of the sap of the calendar month lodge a long time ago. At present, listen to me, angel drawers, yous've got one terminal chance. And I don't mean i of those Major League Baseball, Steve Howe kind of last chances. Now, where is Jane?
Tanya Peters : I swear I don't know.
Frank Drebin : All correct, then, where's the flop?
Tanya Peters : Information technology'southward in the Best Picture show envelope. Oh, Mr. Drebin, I wanna become straight. I'k tired of the lies. Oh, kiss me. Please kiss me. I've never kissed lips and so innocent, and then pure.
[she kisses him; as he sits downwardly, she pulls the straps of her dress downwards and his eyes widen as he sees she has a penis; breaking the fourth wall and looking at the audition, he gags and runs out of the room]
Security Guard : [elsewhere, talking to Ed and Nordberg] He looked a niggling like Phil Donahue; white hair...
[Frank runs past]
Security Guard : That's the guy!
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Frank Drebin : Allow'south look at this logically. You lot're the psychotic. You should have the envelope. I should accept the gun.
Jane Spencer : Frank!
Frank Drebin : I know what I'm doing.
[as he and Rocco trade, the cops, everyone in the control room, and the audience all facepalm]
Rocco Dillon : All correct! Here's your best picture! In front end of the whole worldwide audition, this place is going up!
Ed Hocken : Well, if I'm going out, I'm going out happy.
[he grabs the adult female next to him and kisses her]
Frank Drebin : Wait a infinitesimal, Rocco. Before we're all blown to $.25, mind if I pull the underwear out of my crack? A man'southward got to go comfortable.
Rocco Dillon : All right. Merely that's information technology.
Frank Drebin : [feigning bending over, he knocks the bomb out of Rocco's manus] All right, give it up, Rocco. You're history.
Rocco Dillon : [pointing backside him] Look, George Hamilton!
[every bit Frank turns to look, Rocco takes the gun away]
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'Weird Al' Yankovic : [in their underwear, talking to two security guards] Silvery pilus.
Vanna White : About half-dozen'2".
'Weird Al' Yankovic : Kind of looked like Phil Donahue.
Vanna White : Yeah.
Frank Drebin : [looking for Jane] Ja...
'Weird Al' Yankovic , Vanna White : [spotting him] That's the guy!
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Frank Drebin : [seeing Tanya in just a one-piece bathing conform] That bathing suit was never happier. I had only a 2d to admire the view. I had to scout out; if she made me as a cop, I'd be this night's meat loaf.
Tanya Peters : Come here, sexy.
Frank Drebin : You're all woman. I could tell just by looking at you.
Rocco Dillon : Hey! She's referring to me.
Frank Drebin : [covering] Uh... I was talking well-nigh your mother.
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Rocco Dillon : [leading Frank to his secluded cabin] Well, what do you think, kid?
Frank Drebin : It'southward a great setup.
Rocco Dillon : No phone, miles from the nearest town, Playboy channel, perfect.
Frank Drebin : High stakes, merely I'm hither for the activeness. What are we going afterward, a banking company, armored car, Dodgers' payroll?
Muriel Dillon : [putting a gun in his face] You're getting a piffling bit too nosy, McGurke.
Rocco Dillon : Relax, Ma. She'due south been itching to try out her new gun.
Frank Drebin : I know the feeling.
Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110622/characters/nm0000558
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